Of Women and Me.

So, recently someone tried to solicit my advice on how to pick up girls.


I managed to avoid laughing in his face.

To date, at the age of 27, my conquests consist of-

1- A girl I met in College, with whom I made out a lot but never did the deed.

2- A girl I met in college with whom I made out ONCE. We never did the deed.

3- My now-ex girlfriend, who I met for the second time the summer before my last year of college. We..... made out a lot, and had a veritable truckload of sex over the three years we were together.


But that's it.

Literally.

I have had sex with ONE woman, and, counting her, have only kissed three.

Haven't been laid in... it'll be three years in May.


So.

Clearly the guy asking my advice is a sorely misinformed sort.

My lack of success with women has three root causes, none of which seem to be immediately apparent to anyone else-

1- My Face. While I don't shatter mirrors or turn people to stone, the fact is, I have a singularly unfortunate face.... particularly when it's in a neutral expression. This prevents most people from either noticing me or taking action if they do. Of course, I may be wrong, it might be more to do with....


2- My powers of perception.... or lack thereof. On at least two occasions, I have been informed that a girl was giving me "the eye."

I have never noticed.

My Ex had to practically club me over the head for me to notice.

I cannot read non-verbal cues to save my life, at least when it comes to the whole date'n'mate scene.

In bars, it's even worse.

Parties? Even more so.

Not that I go to a lot of parties, which brings me to...


3- My attitude. I hate crowds, hate bars, hate parties, hate getting drunk.... Add that to a certain sense of apathy, and you arrive at a fellow who prefers to stay at home alone.... while cursing his own loneliness.


Saddest of all?

I'm starting to think my libido is in atrophy.

Back in high school, I may not have been able to say word one to a girl I was interested in, but I HAD girls I was interested in.

These days?

Nothing.

And man does it suck.