Ten years ago, I was a very different person. Some things never change, but I can honestly say I barely recognize the addle-brained 18-year old I used to be.
Ten years ago?
I was a skinny virgin whiteboy who had showtunes in his walkman (yes, walkman), a trenchocat that looked preposterous on me, the 2nd Edition AD&D Players handbook memorized, and was convinced I knew what I was doing.
Now? I'm a stockier non-virgin-but-not-getting
Yessir, I've come pretty far in the last decade.
Ten years ago, I didn't own a gun, my own car, or a computer. I owed no money to anyone.
Now I own three guns, a '97 Saturn that looks like a thousand miles of bad road, and a computer cobbled together from spare parts and bad ideas. I now have a five-figure debt.
Ten years ago, I had never been drunk.
Now, I get utterly shitfaced drunk as an inoculation about every six months, give or take.
Ten years ago, if you'd asked me where I saw myself in ten years, I would have spewed some vague blather about theatre.
Now, if you ask me where I see myself in ten years, I laugh despairingly, shrug, and say "Who knows?"
Ten years ago, I knew NONE of the people I met in Indiana. Now I can't imagine a life where I DON'T know them.
A lot has changed, and I couldn't say for sure whether the changes have been for good or ill.
In some ways, I miss the confidence of my 18-year-old self, that cocksure arrogance that I'd sort things out.
In other ways, if I met my 18-year-old self, I'd kick his ass into a fine red mist for all the STUPID shit he/I saw, did, didn't do, and believed.
One thing I do know however... In spite of the dashing of about every ambition I had at the time, in spite of the train wreck I've made of my financial situation, in spite of my continued inability to figure out what I'm doing, I'm more secure- not confident, mind you, but secure- in my own skin than that scrawny, awkward kid I was ten years ago would have imagined possible.
And thank heavens for that.
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