The Kobuk Catechism

The following are phrases, words and notions that I've adopted in the ten weeks I've lived up here... Explanations are best kept to a minimum- nothing ever gets explained terribly well up here, and I kinda like it.

OMGWTFFTS- "Oh My God, What The Fuck, Fuck This Shit."- Sort of the mantra for our first week of school. I still keep it handy.

"Probably not today."- Says it all.

"Nothing works here."- Ditto.

"A Plan is just a series of events that don't happen."

"Adii"- Inupiaq for "I don't waaaaaannnna." Best said in a grating whine.

"Sometimes always never."- Once in a blue fucking moon.

"Alaapaa."- Inupiaq for "It's cold." With perhaps a "god damn it" on the end, depending on the tone.

"Make your peace with ugly"- A repeated catchphrase from Yours Truly to the two experienced teachers who are new to Village life.

"Never ever do this."

There's something about the northern latitudes that brings out the macho insanity in nearly everybody.

And I don't mean the "Hey, y'all, watch this!" brand you find down south, either.

No, I'm talking about the kind of macho insanity that makes heading out on an icy river after sundown in a small john-boat to set nets sound reasonable.

Or the kind that makes you leap at the chance to work on top of a rickety fish-rack, passing a chainsaw back and forth.

Or hop on a 4-wheeler without checking fuel status to roar into the mountains on a joyride into totally uninhabited wilderness.

In other words, you start doing the kind of thing that makes responsible people cringe.

But don't worry- you're hardly alone.