Zombies

Now, I KNOW I'm not alone in wishing for a good, old-fashioned Romero-style zombie apocalypse.

These fast zombies they've come out with lately kinda make survival tougher... but slow, shambling, mindless things?

Bring 'em on.

Last night's dream featured myself and a few of my good friends holed up in a diner as an outbreak started, and I swear, I must be out of my mind... 'cause a dream with rotting undead cannibals trying to eat myself and my compadres was one of the NICEST I've had in ages.

My Fellow Nerds...

... are, true to form, driving me mad.

Since receiving this lovely pair of crutches, I've been free to devote even MORE time than usual to hearing the blatherings of geek culture online.

And they have found a new way to annoy me.

"Well, see, in the EXTENDED cut of the movie..."

"Well, if you read the tie-in comic book..."

"Well, as the SERIES makes clear..."

Fuck you.

Anything the filmmaker decided not to include in the theatrical release is not going to change Jack Shit.

Speaking as a fan of the series Firefly, there's a reason its associated movie, Serenity, did not revitalize the franchise. The movie made sense, there was enough exposition to see to that... but unless you'd watched the series, your investment in the universe and in the characters was minimal, and there was not enough time in the film to draw in new blood.

By the same token, trying to tell people they need to read, say, the comic-book tie-in to the new Star Trek film to address their concerns, or that the plot of Avatar actually makes some kind of sense if you sponge up all of the associated material is bullshit.

Don't defend a shitty script with an equally shitty comic book. Extended universes are for those who actually dig your little nerd-verse enough to want more.

For the rest of us, they're a goddamned waste of time.

Life in the Theocracy

So, as a direct consequence of my injury, I've had a lot of time on my hands.

And what better way to pass the time than by doing a little social research experiment?

So I've been watching TV.

No, not the "good" stuff- nothing you pay for.

No, all I've been watching is the stuff an aerial can pick up.

And man, is it revealing.

We get some channels all the way from Mexico, but those aren't really at issue here. They still broadcast on analog down there.

No, I'm viewing the stuff that the good people of Utah make sure are on free TV.

Did you know that you can watch the Lawrence Welk show in Utah?
Or that the Andy Griffith Show still airs on regular hours anywhere on Earth?
Or that Perry Mason and Matlock alike continue to never lose a case in the Salt Lake State?

It's all so white-bread wholesome it's easy to lose sight of a few crucial facts- like the fact that the Mormon Church never acknowledged their role in the Mountain Meadows Massacre... or that Brigham Young was basically a North American Ayatollah.

And so on.

But no matter!

The good guys continue to triumph in every iteration of Utah TV. Evil never prevails, injustice is a myth, and we can all sleep safe at ight with the feathers of the Angel Moroni tucked beneath our heads.

This state is a fucking time capsule to the 1950s, desperately trying to distance itself from its bloody past.

If I didn't have to live here, it'd be funny.

North Country Blues

So, it's been a while.

After finally deciding Indiana wasn't so bad- for reasons I'll hit a little later- I ended up leaving.

For Utah.

Yes, Utah.

A state where I know no one. A state where I have no history. A state more or less white-bread sanitized by the dominance of the Mormon Church.

But I'm living rent-free, and that counts for more than somewhat.

But back to Indiana.

As my time there wound down, I was shocked to discover something truly appalling- while I still haven't got much use for that state, I've made the best friends of my life there. Seriously.

There's a certain Scumfuck and his wonderful wife and his beautiful daughter who I regard as family. And that definitely goes for the ugly dude in their basement, too... and all the other insane nerd revolutionaries we ran with.

There's an old redneck in the southern part of the state who's like a second father to me.

There's my aunt and her common-law husband, who I barely knew when I went to college- and who now rank higher in my estimation than almost anyone not on this list.

There's the Usual Gang of Idiots I worked with, who were always up for a jaunt to the greatest bar in the known world.

Then there's the staff of that bar, who I've come to regard as dear friends.

All of that.... and I've left it.

For Utah, which, as of this writing, will now ALWAYS be the state where I tore my ACL and fractured my tibia.

So, while I sit in an Anchorage, Alaska hotel writing this, I only have on thing to say about my move...

God, I hate it here.